How Good Are Your Listening Skills?
I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.
Ernest Hemmingway
In order to manage the ever-increasing workload, our lives are focused to processing as much as possible in the shortest time,. This is further compounded by social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the like, all of which demand time, and to which it is easy to become a “slave”. How are these demands affecting your listening? Look over the table below and remind yourself of the difference between poor and effective listening.
Poor v. Effective Listening Behaviour
The Poor Listener:
Is distracted by work, other people, interrruptions, noises etc
Body is oriented away from the speaker
Gives no feedback (facial responsiveness, or other appropriate response
Ignores speaker’s non verbal communication
Interrupts and waits to speak
Jumps to conclusions – focuses on symptoms and quick fixes
Takes criticism personally
Blames others. Becomes defensive about the organisation or self and is judgemental and punishing when someone complains
Blames the organisation. Takes the side of the person complaining
Is thrown by stressed-out behaviour of others, and may become stressed-out in turn, Often lacks control of the situation
Judges others by opinions – prejudices, shuts down listening
The Effective Listener:
Focuses on the speaker and what is being said
Body is oriented towards the speaker
Gives feedback and participates appropriately
Tunes into the speaker’s non verbal communication
Occasionally reflects and clarifies. Allows the other person to finish what they are saying
Is patient. Sees complaints and negative criticism as opportunity for problem solving and learning. Focuses on underlying causes
Avoids taking criticism personally
Suspends judgement as to who is to “blame”. Has attitude to focus and find solutions which is seen as being more important than judgement
Doesn’t blame. Seeks solutions, is proactive for the future, not seeking revenge for actions in the past
Realises the other person must have had to “psych up” to make a complaint, and has respect. Makes allowances for the other person’s behaviour while listening
Suspends judgement on others – listens to what is being said, not who is saying it
Listens with head and heart
Skilled Listeners:
- Pay attention – focus to the speaker
- Indicate interest
- Listen without judgement or prejudice
- Observe and notice others’ body language and vocal usage
- Ask questions to expand the other person’s thinking
- Use the feedback loop to check understanding and show listening